


iris

by LexOfTheRiver



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Suicide Notes, although it really isnt, he just doesn’t know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexOfTheRiver/pseuds/LexOfTheRiver
Summary: Sometimes it feels nice to give up.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	iris

**Author's Note:**

> never leave me alone

_Dear Stan,_

_I don’t want you to read this, but if you are, then I guess that didn’t work out. By now you probably know what happened. In the movies, a note like this is often filled with ‘it’s my fault’ or ‘i’m sorry’ but I won’t write those. I’m not really sorry about this, though I know I should be._

_It’s not my fault either. I’ll be honest with you, it’s your fault. I’m not angry at you and I don’t want you to feel bad about this, but it really is your fault. Maybe if you’d turned around. I don’t hate you but...I hate you._

_Love,_

_Kyle._

He set the pencil down and sighed, dropping his head to the desk, a loud _thud _as he hit the cold, hard wood. What the fuck was he doing? Well, he knew exactly what he was doing and why as well, but it didn’t seem right. Maybe it was because he had only written one note.

So, grabbing another piece of piece of paper, he picked his pencil up again and scribbled one more note, in much messier, carefree handwriting than the one addressed to Stan.

_Dear Mom, Dad, and Ike,_

_You can feel bad, it doesn’t matter. It won’t bring me back, you know. Just move on, please._

_Kyle_

The difference was obvious, but he couldn’t bring himself to make them look alike. It wasn’t like this was going to affect him in the long run. He quickly scribbled a few more, addressed to anyone else who knew him well enough. He even wrote one to Cartman!

He sighed, standing up. He grabbed the papers and made his way out the room, sneaking quietly down the hall, wary of the early hours. He made a quick trip to the bathroom, grabbing as many bottles as he could fit in his pockets from the medicine cabinet, before heading out and down the stairs. When he reached the bottom steps, he grabbed his backpack, stuffing the papers inside, not caring whether or not they’d get crumpled. He stepped outside the front door, making sure not to let it slam behind him before walking away from his house for what he believed to be the last time. He didn’t seem too bothered, though.

Kyle made his way down the streets, the occasional lit house the only source of light he had. The air was warmer than usual, as if something was trying to tell him that the world could change for the better as long as he stayed behind, but he had already made up his mind.

Eventually, he stopped in front of a familiar, green house. Every room was dark, even Stan’s own bedroom. Kyle knew he was usually up at this hour, but thought that maybe he had decided to check out for the night earlier than usual. He was about to set his backpack down on the doorstep for Stan to find in the morning, when he heard a window opening from above him.

”Kyle?”

He looked up and smiled warmly at Stan, who was staring down at him in confusion. “Hey,” he said.

”What the hell are you doing here?”

”Oh, I was just out on a walk and decided I’d see if you were up. Your lights were out, so I figured you weren’t.” He faked a laugh, although it was much more convincing than he expected.

”Well, I’m awake!” Stan laughed along with Kyle, although his laughter was much more real. Kyle smiled.

”I should get going though,” he said, sadly.

”So soon?” Stan’s laughter faded to a frown. Kyle had just arrived.

”My parents don’t know I’m out, and I don’t want them to worry if they find out.”

”You've snuck out before,” Stan stated, tilting his head in confusion.

”Yeah, I know. Still,” Kyle looked down. Stan must have noticed something was wrong, because before he knew it, he was standing right in front of him, front door wide open.

”Stan,” Kyle started, his voice pleading for something he didn’t know.

Stan quickly enveloped Kyle in a strong hug. As much as he wanted to, Kyle couldn’t bring himself to hug back, but Stan hadn’t seemed to mind. He stepped back, hands on both of his friend’s shoulders.

”I love you Kyle, okay?” He offered a small smile.

”I know,” Kyle laughed. This seemed to satisfy Stan enough and he pulled away from him entirely, but he could still feel his touch.

The two of them chatted for a little, moving to sit on the doorsteps. They talked about nothing really, but they enjoyed it nonetheless. Kyle often thought to his backpack and it contents, glad Stan hadn’t brought it up at all during their conversation. He wouldn’t have been able to lie to him without breaking.

”The sun might rise soon,” Stan said as he looked up at the sky, snapping Kyle out of his trance.

”Yeah, looks like it.” Neither of them made the move to leave the spot they were in.

Eventually, however, Stan stood and reached his hand out to help Kyle up, the other taking his offer gladly. They quickly said their goodbyes and parted, Stan walking back inside. Kyle watched the door shut and stood there for a few moments before sighing and setting the backpack on the doorsteps, right where Stan was sitting.

Turning away, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and felt the bottles. Only now did he really realize what he was doing, but he knew he couldn’t turn back and fix it. So, he continued down the street, making his way to the forest at the edge of town as the sky grew brighter and brighter. The trip felt much longer than it should have been, but he knew exactly why.

He wasn’t going to come back out.

**Author's Note:**

> depending on how this first one goes, i might make a second chapter showing how the others react
> 
> maybe he lives


End file.
